Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
