with your own penis?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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