Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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