I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
