dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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