Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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