apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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