The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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