Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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