So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
