Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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