A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
