Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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