did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
