I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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