he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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