I hate your face
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
