I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
