ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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