Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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