is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
