New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
