he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
