at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
