Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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