I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
