you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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