Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
