Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
