Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
