So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
