I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
