Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
