I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
