when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
