Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
