it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
