I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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