I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
