alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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