I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
