I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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