So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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