Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
