im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
