Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
