And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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