dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
