It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
