clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
