I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
