Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
