Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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