During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
