life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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