I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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