i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
