Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
