I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
