i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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