Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
