I don't usually arrange sex via text message
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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