jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
