The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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