Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
