I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
