I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
